The topic of marriage is a good and godly thing, one which God Himself ordained in the garden for all times.
He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and receiveth favor of the Lord.
Prov 18:22
The way and means by which two people come to know each other and enter the place of marriage is a very important, one NOT to be over looked or taken lightly. This article is designed to simply shed some light on the biblical and holy way of:
courting vs the world's way of dating.
The goal of courting over dating is to assure union to a fellow holy saint and to maintain the purity that God's people are called to in this life.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Cor 6:18
Be not unequally yoked with the infidels: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 cor 6:14-15
First, lets discuss how the world functions:
Dating is the practice of finding someone you are interested in (usually based mostly on looks) and then you go out and spend a lot of time with them in many varied activities that include lots of alone time; one on one. The goal of dating is usually not marriage but a "good time and fun fellowship" out in the world's ways. It often leads to fornication, undue emotional connection and much broken-ness. People become sexual before their hearts are knit together and that is sinful and damaging.
Note: the goal of dating is fleshly fun and experiencing a person carnally.
This process will leave a man or woman with MANY past bad relationships, multi sexual partners and the fruit is NOT a godly biblical marriage.
Dating is a way of the world that true born again saints are commanded to avoid as they seek purity.
1 Tim 4:12
On the other hand, we see godly COURTING:
While the bible in no way (clearly) lays out or commands courting in certain verses; we see a wise pattern in the Old Testament. Families had a large part in marriages happening and the purity of those involved was a key. In Genesis 24-27 we see Isaac and Rebecca getting married and it was a matter tightly planned and controlled. In the New Testament, we see Marry and Joseph betrothed (engaged) and considered married even before they had sexual relations. (Matt 1:18-25) We see in scripture that no sexual relations and the purity of the two people is a critical aspect to a godly marriage in many verse of scripture.
Flee also from the lusts of youth, and follow after righteousness, faith, love, and peace, with them that call on the Lord with pure heart,
2 Tim 2:22
Knowing purity matters, courting is the wise process where a man and woman (usually going though family or saints) begin to get to know each other and move towards a relationship, then to a godly marriage as THE goal. This is done in a controlled way that allows for no impurity or sexual contact as this protects both parties hearts till the union is made complete or a reason not to marry is exposed.
Note: The goal of courting is to move to marriage, period!
(There is no reason for a man or woman to get the know each other via courting unless a life long union is the goal.)
The two are never to be alone or in a place where any temptation or improper contact can be made until fully wed. It is by trusted others that are included in the courting process and all communication acting as a safety and advisory role as the process goes on. Things like emailing and time all together as the body of Christ help bond the two together towards marriage. The process usually starts with the man inquiring of her father (or elder) and then they go speak to her/family about his intentions (or they can just be introduced by saints as well.) This is a safety or filter as many who love them are involved in the process versus just their youthful flesh one on one.
All parties can agree that they are indeed godly candidates for marriage and the process moves on.
This courtship is a time to get to know each other, bible study together, ask questions, get mature wise counsel and of course pray. The focus is on seeing the godliness, heart and holy character of the future mate, NOT to focus on sexual contact. Once a courting process has been done (time can vary) the man then formally asks for her hand in marriage. Then they enter the betrothal/engagement time together, still with no physical contact and with accountability. This phase begins so they can make formal goals to set up a home and get plans in order for life together.
Courting is a beautiful spiritual godly process vs fleshly worldly dating.
Marriage is a good, pure and godly goal. Jesus said:
And said, For this cause, shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and they which were two, shall be one flesh?
Matt 19:5
Courting is the way to honor God, each other and enter in to this union with a solid foundation in Christ.
God be praised!
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