Recently my 89 year old mother died. I loved her very much but we had not seen each other for 5 years because of my faith in Christ. She claimed God but never wanted to obey Him or leave the fallen world to follow Him so her and I had parted ways as she left me and went to live with worldly family. It was a trying time but one that produced much fruit and maturity in my wife and I.
Many have asked me how are we to view and treat our parents to stay in line with God's Word?
In the Old Testament there was a command given to the Israelites (it was included in the 10 commandments) and it was regarding how we they were to view their parents.
Exodus 20:12
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Many people today wrestle over this issue when they begin to have family trials over faith and how they should view their mother of father. We always should look at the "context of scripture" to understand how and if it applies to us today so lets do that.
We must understand that this command was given in the context of the nation of Israel who lived under the Torah law in that day; some 613 laws. This was a system of laws God gave them to hold them in place for Him and set them apart from the pagans around them. It would be easy to say then 'well I guess it means no matter what we are to always honor our parents'! While that would be a perfect scenario it is NOT what we see in the Old Testament at all and conditions need to be met to have that honor. The honoring must come to only those who were on God's side and who were keeping the law of God.
How do I know this is true?
One of the commandments is to not murder anyone but when Moses was on the Mount, the Israelites waxed wicked, made false gods and did vile things. When Moses returned this is what he had done to them:
Exodus 32
And he said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour. And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.
We see that in the 10 commandments, as we said, murder was a sin as well but it was NOT a sin for the righteous Israelites to kill the sinful relatives who chose against God's holy ways. We could "assume" some could have been fathers that were killed in that 3000 but we do not know for sure. The point is this starts to build a case for us to see that the command to honor your parents are for those parents who honor God's law not those who are in sin.
If we look to the New Testament we see the same command echoed to honor your parents.
Ephesians 6
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. ...
Paul is speaking to Christian children telling them to obey Christian parents. Is there any reason to believe anything has changed from the Old Testament where it was godly parents we are to obey, not sinful ones? Actually no, the same condition applies in the New Testament word and the case is even stronger!
Let me prove it.
First in Acts 5:29 Peter says:
Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.
Here we have Peter telling us we are to obey God over any man or person. So if your parents are in sin, you are to obey God NOT them otherwise your parents become an idol over God!
Jesus Himself showed us how important honoring God is over flesh and blood/ parents.
Matt 12
Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.
48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. He makes it clear that honoring God is far above and OVER honoring our parents. ( later Jesus did think of His mother when on the cross so He did honor her as she was godly )
Jesus also warned of the trouble that will come from within families over faith in Him.
Mark 13:12
Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death.
Matt 10:21
And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
Our Lord and Savior is warning us what it will be like and we should expect tension and even betrayal from right inside our families. We have seen that ourselves for sure!
I think the best evidence we have that will help us to see it is good and godly to go against unbiblical / sinful parents really rests in the later verses in that same chapter. Did Jesus really come to make peace in our families or something else very different?
Matthew 10:34
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
What do swords do? They cut and divide!
So what will this sword do inside families over faith in Christ you may ask?
Matthew 10:35-36
For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
It seems very clear, Jesus is making allowance to NOT honor your parents IF that involves them going against Him or the Fathers ways.
We must always keep the "correct context" when we are studying the scriptures. Honoring parents is for BIBLICAL parents NOT sinful parents as these NT scriptures clearly show us.
If you still have any doubt about how Jesus feels about this topic, He made it VERY clear the extent to which we should put God over anyone else including parents.
Matthew 10:37
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me:
His words get even stronger here:
Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Are having a hard time leaving your parents over your biblical faith in God? Just see how Jesus viewed parents when it was time to go serve God.
Matthew 8:21-22
And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.
I hope you see all of this is clear evidence that we are to have the "proper parent child relationship" when it comes to our faith in God.
God will take a back seat to no one!
We also know from scripture that anyone who claims Christ but walks in sin or is not biblical, we are to avoid them till they repent. See Matthew 18, Romans 16:17 and 2 Thessalonians 3
Here is a article on biblical separation
https://spiritandtruthdiscernment.blogspot.com/2014/11/division-from-family-and-other-believers.html
Note: if you have unbelieving parents who allow you to be who you are in Christ, you can still honor them to the extent possible without sinning yourself but it is a fine line so be very careful saints!
In closing, should you honor your godly parents? Yes in every way if they are God honoring obedient saints or they allow you to be who you are in Christ. But if they are sinful, unbiblical or ever cause you to sin or leave your faith in God, you are commanded to reject them and cling to God's Word and Ways. This would be true even if that causes you to leave them and never see them again. While this may seem harsh and hard it is how God calls us out to be holy and obey Him for our own good.
I can speak from experience that my separation from my worldly mother was sad but it was a great protection for my faith and my home as well. While I am sorry she died from us separated and I won't see her again, I am thankful it happened as it did as God was glorified in it all and that is my greatest desire.
I leave you with these words from Christ:
He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Matthew 10:39
Lose yourself in Him and His truth even if it means you lose your family and parents!
You will be blessed over and over for your obedience to Him..... that I can promise you!
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